How to Raise Totally Awesome Kids by Chuck Borsellino

Author:Chuck Borsellino [Borsellino, Chuck]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-58860-141-4
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2012-01-11T00:00:00+00:00

JENNI’S TIPS FROM THE TRENCHES … TO TURN THINGS AROUND

1. Encouragement is the fuel for a healthy sense of self-worth.

Self-worth can be built anytime and anywhere. Encouragement is the most effective tool for building it. In order to build a child’s sense of self-worth, a parent must look for every opportunity to recognize internal character qualities such as courage, honesty, fairness, compassion, perseverance, and kindness.

Our friend Dr. Kevin Leman, a frequent guest on the program, is a down-to-earth psychologist who offers our viewers proven solutions to tough parental problems. Kevin believes that when you encourage your children, you help them feel that they are accepted, that they belong, and that they are capable—the ABCs of self-worth.4

Furthermore, he believes that although encouragement is helpful, praise is harmful. The difference? Encouragement focuses on a child’s behavior and your appreciation of it. Praise focuses on a child’s behavior and his or her value because of it. Need an example?

Encouragement: “I noticed that you cleaned your room this morning, and I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate your helping me keep the house clean.”

Praise: “You’re really a great kid. I really love it when you clean your room and help me keep the house clean.”

The difference between the two is subtle but significant. Encouragement is usually couched in “I” messages and focuses on performance without placing a value judgment on the performer. Praise is usually couched in “you” messages and focuses on the value of the performer because of the performance. One states that children are valuable because they did something, but the other one states that you’re grateful something was done and you appreciate their effort.

If you encourage your kids more and praise them less, you just might hear your kids repeat the words of an eight-year-old boy who said, “I may not be perfect, but I am awesome!”5

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